VivaCity

Life can be summed up in two categories: Life Before Bills and Life After Bills. Think about it. As a child, you roamed freely, did whatever occurred to you and your numbskull buddies without second thought of consequence, and used the hell out of that most wondrous of foundations, The Bank of Mom and Dad. Withdrawal, withdrawal, withdrawal, baby needs a new pair of shoes.

And even as a young adult, perhaps when you were baby-sitting or mowing lawns or even landing your first real j-o-b, money was no object. Once your car payment was made, it was ON. Life was lived one shopping spree to the next. Good times, and I say that with no sarcasm whatsoever. Good friggin times.

The ironic thing is, all this time, you’re daydreaming about being an adult, with all the freedoms that entails. Boy, are you a dumbass.

Once you’ve crossed that threshold into Adulthood, hooo boy, it’s a whole ‘nother ballgame. It may even be thrilling, to start getting mail and phone calls addressed to that all-important ADULT, you. How fun. How exciting. You’re a bona fide member of society. But mark my words, a horde of fear-mongers will haunt you, and they are…Bills. Bills will knock on your door and ring your phone til you’re lying on the floor, writhing in pain from Empty Wallet Syndrome, fending off these beasts who try to wring money from your very tortured soul. The only weapon these hounds of hell respect is a golden sword called Credit, and woe is he who doesn’t brandish it. You may as well lay down and give up. Start selling organs, you poor bastard, because it is over.

So today’s lesson is this, dear readers: Teach your children, and teach them well. Lay the armor of Knowledge over their breastplates, and instruct them how to wield that irreplaceable shining golden sword, Credit. Please.

If you don’t hear from me, you’ll know those bastards have finally found me and taken their ton of flesh. Let my epitaph say, Here lies Cera, Blissfully ignorant child, Woefully credit-less adult. May she romp carefree in eternal bill-less innocence.