VivaCity

The first step is to admit you have a problem. Hello, my name is Cera, and I’m a stickler for grammar. I correct people incessantly. Some of my finer moments have been spent screaming, “We were, we were playing outside, say it, we were!”

Most of my finely honed tutoring skills are currently directed at poor dear Alden, who I’m sure wants nothing more than to crawl into some cool dark place I’ll never find him and say whatever the hell he wants. Eff that bizznitch, she’s be all up in my bidness, for REAL. In my presence, however, precious little passes my attention uncorrected. I try to only remedy 99.5% of grammatical transgressions…I PITY DA FOOL accuses me of nagging. And yet…There’s something so damned satisfying about the slamming one home in the lost art of nagging…

I must share…I was recently completely confounded by my reluctant student Alden. In all my years of grammatical outreach, I have never been so completely thrown for a loop as I was when Alden, making reference to a video game he was playing, said, “I didn’t seen none of them nowhere.” A triple negative? Are you kidding me?? He may have even known what he was doing, pulling a fast one and sidestepping the rule of double negatives by adding another, therefore MAKING THE SENTENCE TRUE. I was at such a loss, I actually let it slide. Where to begin???

So just a heads-up…If you should ever feel like tormenting me mercilessly, forget the rack, forget Chinese water torture…Just tie me down and start throwing double, or if you want to be especially cruel, triple negatives around and my eardrums will no doubt implode. Horrible way to go.