VivaCity

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
-Source: United Press International, "Bush Proposes Increase in Education Funds," Mark Kukis

Can I get an amen? Can I get a what the EFF are you SAYING??!! It absolutely tears me up that this man, with his poor grasp of business administration and even poorer grasp of the English language, totters around representing this country. Unbelievable.

I stop myself from running away screaming from each televised press conference in the following ways…By reminding myself his terms are almost UP, he is very nearly out the damn door; by hoping he’s vacationed just enough to not have made any real decisions (besides that li’l ol’ Iraq whim); and by finding the humor in the situation. The man makes up words, dear audience. Just the sight of him at a podium, eyes blinking rapidly, goofy grin from ear to ear, desperately looking around for a teleprompter or a meteorite to come crashing out of the sky or just ANYTHING to save him…I cringe. So let’s delve into the humor of the situation at hand, shall we? Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. And if abuse of the English language sounds as much to your ears like nails screeching down a chalkboard as it does to mine…Enjoy.

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
—Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?"
—Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." NO SHIT.
—Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."
—Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
—Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

"I think—tide turning—see, as I remember—I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of—it's easy to see a tide turn—did I say those words?" Holy bumbling idiot, Batman.
—Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

"I was going to say he's a piece of work, but that might not translate too well. Is that all right, if I call you a 'piece of work'?"
—To Jean-Claude Juncker, prime minister of Luxembourg, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005

"It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life."
—Washington, D.C., Dec. 21, 2004

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
—Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

I genuinely hope I haven’t offended anyone…My desire is not to turn this site into a political debate minefield or anything of the sort. I simply find myself offended by the slaughter of innocent grammar at the hands of our fearless leader. Did you know even Google is hip to this scene? When I typed “bush-isms,” it politely asked me, “Did you mean bushisms?” We, the American public, have been forced to make up words in order to properly document him making up words!! Stop the insanity.

Strap yourselves in, ladies and gentlemen, it’s going to be a bumpy 2 more years. Lord save us from Dubya.