VivaCity

I have my idea for a book, finally, since I believe I've hit on THE main reason for divide between men and women. And the title shall be...drumroll please...Women are from Ethiopia, Men are from McDonalds. What do you think? My theory goes a little something like this...Women have such a blatant disregard for men because THEY SUCK. A woman on a diet is a force to be reckoned with. Corner deli clerks & candy-bar-hocking coworkers are in equal danger of an otherwise-mentally-healthy dieting female biting their heads clean off in an effort to locate a reasonably healthy snack that won't go straight to her thighs.

A man, on the other hand, after watching his hard-earned beer belly expand beyond reasonable waist size, has merely to put DOWN the potato chips, walk around the kitchen island twice, pour himself a glass of water and WATCH the flab magically melt away. So once again, the male gender skates through life without having to really THINK about much of anything. Nice. Now once that man thins down, you will be able to make out behind him a woman tiptoe-ing stealthily towards him with a butcher knife raised above her head. And who could blame her, really? I mean, how infuriating. She's been eating bean sprouts and sunflower seeds for six months now and has lost approximately .25 pounds. That's not guilty by reason of temporary debilitating hunger if I ever saw it. How DO you get picked for jury duty, does anyone really know??

All I'm saying is it's unfair. If you say LIFE isn't fair, dear, to me right now I'll start screaming and never, never stop. It isn't fair that the women are the ones who bear the children and deal with drastic changes to their bodies beyond their control. What sort of life-changing experiences do men go through? Getting an oil change? Losing their wallets? Come now. I mean really. If I could be anyone, just for the day, like on those reality TV shows where you can do that, I'd be a guy, a real man's man, just so I could hit the drive-thru without a care in the world, certainly not worrying about Big-Mac-sized saddlebags with a side of mayonnaise under my arms.

So that's my book, and I'll get started on it. Any...day...now. I'll be writing from the trenches, dear audience, so stay tuned.