VivaCity

You knew I had issues, but what you may not realize is that I have ANGER issues. Yes, I fully realize all caps constitutes yelling.

It's this thing that lives inside me called The Morning Monster. By the time I get to work, work my little 9-to-5, pick up the kids, have dinner, give baths, la la dee da, I'm fine, the comfortable old Cera/Mommy you know & tolerate. But between the hours of, say, 6:00 a.m. & whenever we rush out the door, this thing inside bubbles to the surface & TAKES OVER MY BODY. It's all very Cybil.

I awaken not to my body saying I've slept enough, not even to the alarm clock, but to WAAHHH, wu-AAAHHH, wu-AAAHHH...Which must have been broadcasting for some time, since my head is already pounding from it. It's like the baby knows which nerve to touch in my head to make me absolutely crazy, then plays it like a freaking banjo. Dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee duuum...Doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee dooooo...

Then I cater strictly to the baby for approximately three-fourths of the morning. Baba, check. Dipey, check. Silly baby non-words, check. But then, should I be so bold and outrageous as to expect a shower for my darn self, fugghedaboudit. WoooAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I take him w/me, close the shower door...woooAAAAAAHHHHHHH! He slides it open & stands there in the mist, bawling like just I ripped the head off his favorite teddy bear...Which is when I start fantasizing about doing just that. I think I may be pure evil.

Sleep deprivation does not look pretty on me. I am not one to bounce out of bed & whip up effing pancakes on four or five hours of sleep. Screw you, June Cleaver.

I read an article once about "sleep debt," in which it lays out a study showing how a body accumulates sleep debt. Anything less than seven or eight hours a night is recorded as a debt, which will need to be replaced at some point in time. So I'm thinking when the boys grow the hell up & move the hell out, I will stand on the front step, waving good-bye, where I will then collapse the moment the car is out of sight & sleep, right there on the porch, for approximately the next decade or so. I can't wait.